Tamara Limbach
LPC Bilingual Licensed Family Counselor
Parenting a young child can sometimes feel like an emotional rollercoaster. You’re navigating toddler meltdowns in aisle five, wondering why your baby suddenly bursts into tears during tummy time, and staying up all hours of the night trying to calm a fussy little one. You might wonder: Is this normal? Am I doing this right?
You’re doing better than you think. Understanding how young children develop emotionally can help you support your child through big feelings. Whether your child is neurotypical or has developmental differences, your child can learn to understand, express, and regulate emotions with your help.
Let’s walk through what emotional development looks like in those early years, how you can support your child, and when it might be time to seek extra support.
Navigating Children's Emotions And Feelings By Age
Infants (Birth to 24 Months)
Even before they say their first words, your baby is building emotional awareness. They cry, coo, and smile to communicate needs and form bonds with you and other caregivers. This is the start of emotional development.
At this age, your child’s temperament, self-regulation, self-referencing, and attachment skills are the key areas to watch.
- Your baby will naturally start reacting to the world. Some infants are easy-going, while others are more sensitive or fussy.
- Infants learn how to self-soothe by modeling what they see and experience calm from caregivers at an early age.
- Babies watch your facial expressions and tone of voice to make sense of their own feelings.
- Building strong emotional bonds with family and caregivers creates a secure base for your little one’s future learning and emotional development.
As caregivers, the best way to support your child’s emotional development at this stage is to model emotions and regulation as much as possible. Take a deep breath and respond gently when your baby is fussing. In doing so, you’re teaching them how to regulate and strengthen their bond to you as a safe and loving caregiver.
Toddlers (Ages 1 to 3)
As toddlers grow, so does their drive for independence. With a limited vocabulary, toddlers often feel more than they can say. As a result, those emotions boil over into the outbursts, frustration, and tantrums we try to avoid.
At this age, keep in mind that:
- Vocabulary is limited, but emotions are huge.
- Toddlers are learning that they are their own person, separate from you.
- They’re trying to figure out what’s acceptable and what’s not.
To help support emotional development, label those emotions as you see them. This helps them better express themselves moving forward and reduces the frustration of not being understood.
Start small to give your child the words for feelings: “You’re sad because your tower fell down,” or “You’re feeling tired because it’s nap time.”
As you progress, start asking questions and letting them express their emotions themselves. Something like: “I see tears. Are you feeling sad?” or “You’re jumping up and down. Are you excited?”
Preschoolers (Ages 3 to 5)
With their newfound independence, preschoolers are learning how to be part of a group, building social awareness and a stronger sense of self in the process. They still might not have all the words to describe how they feel, but they’ll generally show you through behavior.
At this stage:
- They’re testing limits and really value independence.
- Big emotions are expressed through actions such as hitting, hiding, or clinging to you.
- Their peer relationships and relationships beyond their immediate family matter a lot.
As a parent or caregiver, encourage play that helps children express and process emotions. Keep building their vocabulary and emotional awareness by using dolls, books, or games to talk about feelings.
At this stage, you want to praise and encourage their efforts to calm down, ask for help, or name emotions. It’s a positive thing to see them working through emotions on their own!
What to Do During a Tantrum
Rebecca Folkman
Service Coordinator at Penfield Children’s Center
While we try to avoid them, every child has meltdowns sometimes. How you respond can make all the difference in your child’s emotional development.
Check In With Yourself
Little ones are watching you, as the parent or caregiver, for how to respond when those big feelings come up. That’s why, when a tantrum hits, it’s important to start by regulating yourself.
Ask yourself:
- Am I calm enough to respond the way I want to?
- Is this a battle I need to fight right now?
If need be, take a few deep breaths, step away, or enlist the help of another parent/caregiver. You’ll see the best results when you’re calm, consistent, and reliable.
“Children are always looking to those around them to learn what is right, wrong, and what they should do,” said Mira Singh, Marquette University Doctoral Student in Counseling Psychology and Intern at Penfield’s Behavior Clinic. “Caregivers are their prime source of information, and a caregiver’s emotions can impact their child’s development.”
Understand the “Why” Behind the Tantrum
Once you’re calm, take a moment to think about why the tantrum is happening. This will help you take the appropriate next steps with your little one.
Generally, there are four main reasons a tantrum happens:
- Your child didn’t get their way
- Your child is avoiding a task or situation (such as sleep, getting dressed, bathtime, etc.)
- Your child can’t communicate their needs
- Your child is responding to trauma (injury, parents arguing in front of them, etc.)
Respond Appropriately
How you should respond to a temper tantrum depends on why the child is having that temper tantrum. We broke it down into this handy chart:
| Cause | How To Respond |
|---|---|
| Not getting their way | Ignore your child gently. Say, “I’ll talk when you’re calm,” and then stop engaging with them. This helps to teach self-regulation. |
| Avoiding a task | Assist and guide your child. Use hand-over-hand support to complete the task, then praise their effort. Then, they might be more likely to do it on their own the next time. |
| Can’t communicate needs | Model the words. Say, “If you want milk, say ‘Milk please,’ or point to the bottle.” With repetition, you'll teach your child the right way to communicate moving forward. |
| Triggered by trauma | Comfort and connect. Offer a “time-in” with soothing tools like soft toys or a calm corner. Stay with them to help regulate and assure them that you love and care about them. |
Help Manage Emotions for Kids
Some simple strategies for teaching emotional regulation to toddlers and preschoolers include making coping kits, reading stories about emotions and feelings, and making creative and fun games about emotions for children
Create a Coping Kit
Fill a box with your toddler’s favorite calming items, like fidget toys, pop-its, stuffed animals, bubbles, and pinwheels. Model how to use them and keep them nearby during tough moments.
These kids can teach valuable skills like refocusing, relaxing, and breathing when your child is feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions like excitement, sadness, or anger.
That said, if the coping tools are used inappropriately (like if they’re broken or thrown), take them away, remind your child how they should be used next time, and offer an alternative.
Read Together
Reading stories about emotions and feelings can help calm your child and help teach them emotions and proper responses.
After reading, talk about how the characters felt—and what helped them feel better. This will help your little one build connections between what the characters say and do when thinking about emotions and how their feelings might be similar.
“Children’s literature helps children explore their feelings and normalize their emotional experiences. It increases understanding of self and others and opens a child’s eyes to alternative ways of thinking, behaving, and coping with difficult feelings.” (Vernon & Schimmel, 2024)
While there many great options, here are a few of our favorite children’s books for you to buy or check out from your local library:
- “The Color Monster: A Story About Emotions” by Anna Llenas
- “In My Heart: A Book of Feelings” by Jo Witek
- “Scaredy Squirrel” book series by Melanie Watt
- “The Boy Who Didn’t Want To Be Sad” by Rob Goldblatt
- “How to Take the Grrrrr Out of Anger” by Marjorie Lisovskis
Make It a Game
Children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, are creative and love games, so adults can use that to their advantage to sneak in little lessons about emotions.
Try “Feelings Bingo,” “Emotion I Spy,” or roleplay with dolls to identify emotions and practice responses. Keep it light, fun, and age-appropriate.
These games work well since kiddos are more likely to retain and learn when they’re happy and having fun, rather than in the middle of a meltdown.
When to Consider Extra Support
It is not unusual to question whether your child’s emotional development is typical. You’re not alone—and getting help doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Here are some scenarios that may warrant a professional evaluation:
- Frequent or extreme tantrums
- Difficulty calming down
- Aggression toward others or animals
- Expulsion from daycare or school
- Avoiding public spaces due to behavior
- Self-harm or concerning behaviors that don’t improve
If you’re experiencing any of these situations or you’re concerned about your child’s development, a personalized evaluation and evidence-based support can help. Talk to your pediatrician or request an evaluation — no referral is needed.
You Got This
Navigating emotions can be especially hard when your little one is still learning to talk, play, and express themselves. But every day you offer comfort, name feelings, or help your child calm down, you’re building their emotional toolkit — and strengthening your relationship in the process!
If you want to learn more about your child’s emotional development, our team of early childhood experts is here to help with resources and encouragement.
